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How to Cope with the Loss of Your Pet
By Patricia Heller
People are often surprised at their reactions to the loss of their companion animals. What many fail to take into account is that relationships with our dogs, cats or other companion animals are such a part of our daily routine that the loss can be intense. Your cat may sit on your lap as you watch television, your dog may be your daily exercise partner or your bird converses with you each morning. .
Companion animals are living longer, spending 10 to 20 years or more in your constant company offering love, comfort and friendship. No wonder you respond to the huge void when your animal is no longer around. Beloved pets are now considered by most as a real member of the family, so the loss is significant.
The phases of grief can be the same for pet loss as for human loss. People handle grief very differently but feelings of guilt, anger, depression and denial are all normal reactions to devastating loss.
“I should have double checked the gate” or “Why didn’t I notice that lump sooner” are examples of the guilt felt after loss. Avoid getting weighed down under the burden of guilt. Mourners need to focus on the fact that they would never intentionally hurt or harm their pets and that accidents or injuries happen and illness is a nature occurrence.
Denial involves difficulty in accepting that a pet is gone. It is not unusual to hear your deceased dog’s tags jingling or to continue conversing with your cat. Sometimes pet owners experience denial stage as they struggle with making a decision to euthanize a pet thinking the animal is getting better when in reality he is rapidly declining.
It is not unusual to want to strike out at someone for causing your loss. You may blame your pet’s death on the veterinarian, another family member or even yourself. While sounding off at the real or imagined enemy may initially let off steam, prolonged anger can lengthen the grieving process. And before saying something you may regret, acknowledge your own feelings of anger and try to examine the facts to see if they are justified.
Depression may be the emotion that pet owners struggle with the most. Symptoms include a lack of energy, a loss of appetite, lack of interest in things that you once enjoyed and the inability to perform daily routines. You may range from just “feeling blue” to not being able to get out of bed in the morning. And it can last for a few days to weeks to months. The death of a pet can also trigger feelings associated with previous losses of either a close person or another pet.
All of these emotions are part of the grieving process but there are ways to cope with the loss of your pet:
• Give yourself permission to grieve, don’t hold back the tears.
• Seek the comfort of sympathetic friends and family. It may help to talk about the loss and even rehash the circumstances of a pet’s death. Rather than being morbid, the retelling helps you mentally accept your loss.
• Change your schedule and try to keep busy during those times when you sought out the company of your pet.
• Consider one of these outlets: write a letter to your pet, create a memorial book, scrapbook or collage, write a poem, a story or random thoughts about your pet. Plant a tree or bush in his or her honor.
• Try not to dwell on those “would have, could have or should have” thoughts that are so much a part of natural guilt feelings associated with loss.
There are situations that may make the loss of a pet even more difficult. While losing an elderly pet is hard enough, the unexpected death of a younger pet can add a different dimension to grief. Pets that die suddenly from an accident, during surgery, or from an unexpected illness may intensify the grieving process. The disappearance of a dog or cat that is never found or the need to euthanize a pet because of a severe problem behavior are other instances when one may deal with overpowering grief.
There are many excellent books and websites that cover the stages of pet loss. The Potter League has a packet of information on pet loss and also offers a Pet Loss Support Group, which meets on a monthly basis. Please call (401)846-0592 to pre-register or for more information.
Patricia Heller
Patricia is Director of Outreach and Development for The Potter League for Animals, a full service animal shelter located at 87 Oliphant Lane in Middletown, Rhode Island.
They have a large selection of dogs, cats and small animals for adoption.
The Potter League also offers volunteer programs, obedience classes, pet loss support meetings, humane education and much more.
Feel free to contact Pat at 401 846-8276. You may also visit www.potterleague.org.
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