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Ten Tips for Rewarding Relationships
By Dr. Denise Fleurant, PsyD, MFT
Make the relationship a priority
Relationships require nurturance and attention. When the relationship is not a high priority, many different difficulties may arise. The beginning of resolving many relationship difficulties starts with the commitment to make the relationship a priority. This can be done by setting aside time or other resources to dedicate exclusively to relationship building.
Be present with your partner
When interacting with your partner, be sure to remove any distractions in the environment, like turning off the television, and really pay attention to the transaction. Use active listening skills like summarizing what you heard the other say and check with him or her to ensure what was said was also understood. This demonstrates attention and caring.
Be genuine
Show your partner the authentic you! Disclose feelings using “I” statements, and identify the emotions you feel during a transaction with your partner. By sharing the contents of your inner experience, you show willingness to trust your partner with your feelings. This is the beginning of a strong, lasting, and authentic connection. This also takes the guesswork out of reading non-verbal expressive behaviors.
Actively listen
By utilizing active listening skills, you demonstrate an interest in the here-and-now communication. When listening to your partner, summarize what was said by rephrasing what you heard. This shows you were listening and you care about the transaction! This also allows your partner to clarify anything that was not understood correctly. This is the beginning of effective communication that really gets to the issue.
Validate!
Recognize your partner’s emotions and reasons for having them. Agreement with what is said is not necessary for validation, only recognition. Validation reduces the influence of emotions in communication. Oftentimes, couples’ expression of emotion is superimposed on an unrelated issue. This makes resolving the issue much more difficult. Validating demonstrates empathy and caring for the other, making the issue easier to address most effectively.
Be on the same team
For effective collaboration, couples must recognize they are on the same ‘team’ with the same goals. This could include raising children, handling finances, or doing household chores. If a couple is motivated to achieve the same thing, they can be taught to do so in the most effective manner possible. Team-building strategies reframe common couples’ issues as opportunities to collaborate towards achieving a common goal together.
Give one another praise!
When skills learned in couples’ therapy are successfully applied in the relationship, couples need to recognize and praise one another. Positive reinforcement increases desired behaviors, so they occur more often. When couples implement new skills and receive reinforcement for using them, they become automatic and life together becomes more rewarding. The goal is to bring out the best in one another.
Genuinely connect
When couples really connect on an intellectual, spiritual, and physical level the relationship moves forward in the most positive direction. This of course, requires making the relationship a priority! Re-discover shared interests and enjoy one another. This will lead to an increase in the couples’ experiencing positive emotions.
Physical Intimacy
Couples’ sexual activity oftentimes functions as an indication of overall relationship quality. When two people genuinely connect, expressing their love for one another sexually is mutually fulfilling and a rewarding activity! If the connection between partners is frail or non-existent, sex may be less enjoyable or desirable an activity to share together. Enhancing the quality of sexual interaction between partners invariably leads to better relationships.
Maintain the connection!
Once progress is made in therapy and put into practice, responsibility to maintain the improvements rests on the couple. By making the relationship a priority, mutually fulfilling activities, effective communication, and intimate connection can be maintained. Make the time. Show interest in your partner. Do the work to maintain the gains. Also, if an additional ‘booster’ session is necessary, make an appointment with the therapist!
Newport Psychological Services Counseling and Assessment Center is a group practice offering an on-site psychiatrist and family physician.
Dr. Denise Fleurant, PsyD, MFT
Dr. Denise A. Fleurant, PsyD, MFT is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist working as a private practitioner in the Newport area. Dr. Fleurant holds an M.A. in Marriage and Family Therapy from Chapman University, a Doctoral degree in Clinical Psychology from American Behavioral Studies Institute in California and a Post-Doctoral degree in Clinical Psychopharmacology from the Massachusetts School of Professional Psychology.
Dr. Fleurant is a member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. She is a certified diplomate of Psychotherapy of the American Psychotherapy Association and Certified Relationship Specialist. Dr. Fleurant is an affiliate member of the Midwest Center for Anxiety and Depression and continually receives advanced training in Marriage and Family issues.
Newport Psychological Services Counseling and Assessment Center has two locations:227 West Main Road in Middletown, RI 02842, and The Polo Center, 680 Aquidneck Avenue, Middletown RI 02842. The office is handicapped accessible. Regular office hours are accommodated with evening and weekend appointments as needed.
Please call (401) 864-1493 for more information or to schedule an appointment.
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