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Understanding Anger
By Dr. Denise Fleurant, PsyD, MFT
We all get angry. Many people choose not to believe this, but anger is a universal human emotion that can help us survive and solve some of life’s problems - or, conversely, it can create further trouble. Anger is an emotion that can occur when there is a threat to our self esteem, our bodies, our property, our ways of seeing the world, or our desires. People differ in what makes them angry. Some people will perceive an event as threatening, while others see no threat at all in the same event. Our responses to anger differ as well. Some people are able to experience angry feelings and use them as a way of solving problems. Others turn their anger inward and engage in self-destructive behavior. Other people strike out when they feel angry. And some refuse to acknowledge their anger, or they confuse anger with other emotions such as vulnerability or fear.
When anger occurs, the body goes instantly into a series of mind-body reactions involving hormones, the nervous system, and the muscles. This involves a release of adrenaline that results in shortness of breath, skin flushing, muscle rigidity, and tightening in the jaw, stomach, shoulders, and hands. Our thoughts can become fragmented and our eyes may dart from object to object. We become agitated and may even tremble. Our first impulse may be to take action - and this could turn out to be destructive.
CONTROLLING THE ESCALATION OF ANGER
When anger goes out of control the consequences can be devastating and irreparable. When people have a destructive angry episode, there is a series of steps involved in the escalation of the interaction. We should aim to stop the escalation before it spirals completely out of control. We can learn to break into this chain of behavior at any point to prevent anger from reaching a destructive level, although the interventions are more effective at the earlier stages of the sequence.
First there is a triggering event. All of us have different events that can trigger anger, but in most cases the event is something that makes us feel threatened.
Next we interpret the event. It is our interpretation of the event that can send us instantaneously into an angry state. If the event taps into our unresolved issues regarding rejection, humiliation, or being controlled or abused, we are likely to justify our anger. In order to break the chain of anger at this point we need to go immediately into a more flexible mode of thinking so that we can interpret the event in a positive light and with compassion.
Third, we quickly have a physical reaction to anger with a rush of adrenaline that causes stress, quick movements, fragmented thoughts, and a need to take action. To intervene at this point, we should breathe deeply, work on calming ourselves and refuse to take destructive action. If necessary, it may help to leave the situation entirely to calm down.
Then, we go into a stage of automatic negative thoughts which increases our perception of being harmed and justifies our physical reaction. These thoughts usually involve self-righteous beliefs and a desire for vengeance. There is often little logic associated with these thoughts. We engage in name calling, threats to the other person, self-justifying statements, and assumptions that we are being threatened. At this point, observe your thoughts and statements, and simply refuse to engage in this stage of the process. Breathe deeply, count to 10, and avoid saying anything inflammatory.
Think of anger as a tool for survival. When we perceive a threat, we experience a fight or flight response. That is, we will either struggle to head off the threat or we will flee the situation. Either response can be helpful, depending on the circumstances. Anger is a tool that, when used effectively, can motivate us to solve problems and confront threats in a sensible manner.
Dr. Denise Fleurant, PsyD, MFT
Dr. Denise A. Fleurant, PsyD, MFT is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist working as a private practitioner in the Newport area. Dr. Fleurant holds an M.A. in Marriage and Family Therapy from Chapman University, a Doctoral degree in Clinical Psychology from American Behavioral Studies Institute in California and a Post-Doctoral degree in Clinical Psychopharmacology from the Massachusetts School of Professional Psychology.
Dr. Fleurant is a member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. She is a certified diplomate of Psychotherapy of the American Psychotherapy Association and Certified Relationship Specialist. Dr. Fleurant is an affiliate member of the Midwest Center for Anxiety and Depression and continually receives advanced training in Marriage and Family issues.
Newport Psychological Services Counseling and Assessment Center has two locations:227 West Main Road in Middletown, RI 02842, and The Polo Center, 680 Aquidneck Avenue, Middletown RI 02842. The office is handicapped accessible. Regular office hours are accommodated with evening and weekend appointments as needed.
Please call (401) 864-1493 for more information or to schedule an appointment.
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