Search Articles
Browse Categories
Surviving the Life Crisis
By Dr. Denise Fleurant, PsyD, MFT
The Bleakest Times of Our Lives Can Give Rise to Remarkably Positive Life Transformations
A life crisis is one of the inevitable features of our lives. Learning how to survive a crisis is a crucial skill, and one that we will probably need more than once throughout our lives. A crisis can occur when things begin to fall apart around us. The things that shape us - our marital status, job title, relationships, or health - have disappeared and we find ourselves adrift without any clear guidelines that tell us what to do next.
We all experience life transitions, such as the move from childhood into adolescence or the transitions from working adulthood into retirement. Both involve substantial changes in the way we conduct our everyday lives. While these normal and expected life transitions can cause us some stress, we at least know what to expect when it is time to move into the new life stage. Our culture provides us with guidelines. If we fail to make our adaptations to the new stage, then we experience difficulty. Think of the child who has trouble moving into adolescence or the adolescent who cannot make the move into working adulthood. Most of us adapt to new life stages fairly well because we see others around us who have made the move successfully.
A life crisis is different, however, because it usually hits us unexpectedly and we feel unprepared to adapt to a set of circumstances that we never thought would happen. A life crisis can occur when there is a divorce, a financial setback, the loss of a job, the death of a family member or friend, a serious accident, an illness, etc. The list seems endless.
People have different ways of responding to sudden life changes. It is important to know which response style you typically use when you find yourself in a crisis. A therapist can help you use your response style to your advantage and work on finding alternate ways of coping. Here are the responses that most people have. Some people use more than one:
Depression: People in depression tend to isolate themselves. They may notice changes in their sleep patterns and their appetite. They have trouble finding pleasure in the activities they used to enjoy. They feel tired and find it difficult to complete ordinary daily activities. Their thinking tends to be negative and sometimes self-destructive. They may become tearful frequently and cry uncontrollably.
Anger: People who use rage when they are confronted with a life crisis may snap at others or even explode when they feel irritated. They are on a short fuse. They may struggle to hold back taking physical action against others. They may hurt themselves or others. They often harbor revenge fantasies.
Anxiety: The person who reacts to crisis with anxiety has a need to be reassured by others. They may have trouble falling asleep or waking up in the middle of the night and their eating patterns may change during the crisis. Their actions are often impulsive and ineffective. They may repeat themselves.
Denial: Those who use denial during a crisis go to great lengths to pretend that the crisis does not exist. Denial is a useful way of coping with crisis at first, but if the denial continues for a long time, the positive changes that crisis can generate will never occur. Those who deny bring out their very best qualities on the job or at home, as if they are functioning at their peak. They resist people who offer them concern or sympathy, and avoid friends who see things differently. Their emotions are kept in check. They never let thoughts about the crisis into their consciousness and never appear vulnerable.
If you are in a crisis, answer the question “who are you?” and list all of your positive personal qualities. Get down to the core of who you really are, for example, a good friend, and good spouse, a hard worker, etc. If you are having trouble, a therapist can help you define who you are and help you emphasize your good personal qualities. When you realize that you have good qualities which give you strength to endure your crisis, you will be on your way to a positive transformation.
Dr. Denise Fleurant, PsyD, MFT
Dr. Denise A. Fleurant, PsyD, MFT is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist working as a private practitioner in the Newport area. Dr. Fleurant holds an M.A. in Marriage and Family Therapy from Chapman University, a Doctoral degree in Clinical Psychology from American Behavioral Studies Institute in California and a Post-Doctoral degree in Clinical Psychopharmacology from the Massachusetts School of Professional Psychology.
Dr. Fleurant is a member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. She is a certified diplomate of Psychotherapy of the American Psychotherapy Association and Certified Relationship Specialist. Dr. Fleurant is an affiliate member of the Midwest Center for Anxiety and Depression and continually receives advanced training in integretice medicine.
Newport Psychological Services Counseling and Assessment Center has two locations:227 West Main Road in Middletown, RI 02842, and The Polo Center, 680 Aquidneck Avenue, Middletown RI 02842. The office is handicapped accessible. Regular office hours are accommodated with evening and weekend appointments as needed.
Please call (401) 864-1493 for more information or to schedule an appointment.
Unrated
Comments
- No Comments Found. Submit Comment
|
Article Options |
Share your Opinion and WIN!
Take our quick survey & enter to WIN a gift certificate.