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The 50-50 Rule
By Sailynn Doyle
New Program Helps Siblings Overcome Family Conflict While Caring for Aging Parents
As a long-time employee of an accounting firm, Mary has been waiting for this promotion for years. “This job is just what I’ve dreamed about all my life,” she excitedly told her best friend. But then Mary’s mom fell and broke her hip. As the youngest in the family and her mom’s presumed favorite, Mary suddenly is thrust into the role of family caregiver and is struggling to keep up with the demands of her new job. “I hate the feeling that I have to choose between caring for my mom and a new job all because my siblings won’t help.”
Situations like this are among the family conflicts that caregivers encounter each day while caring for aging parents. Caregiver stress, life-and-death medical crises, financial problems and property disputes often become part of the ongoing saga of a family’s caregiving story. Relationships between adult brothers and sisters can suffer as a result.
That’s why Home Instead Senior Care® has launched the 50-50 RuleSM, a program that offers strategies for overcoming sibling differences to help families provide the best care for elderly parents.
The 50-50 Rule refers to the average age (50) when siblings are caring for their parents as well as the need for brothers and sisters to share in the plans for care 50-50. Research conducted for the Home Instead Senior Care® network reveals that an inability to work together often leads to one sibling becoming responsible for the bulk of caregiving in 43 percent of families. And that can result in the deterioration of relationships with brothers and sisters.
At the core of the 50-50 Rule public education program is a family relationship and communication guide of real-life situations that features practical advice from sibling relationships expert Dr. Ingrid Connidis from the University of Western Ontario. She says that relationships among siblings should be protected. That’s where the free 50-50 Rule guide of family situations will help brothers and sisters struggling with any number of topics from trying to divide care and work better as a team to dealing with end-of-life issues. In the guide, Connidis addresses situations, like the one described at the beginning of this article, with practical advice.
Following are tips on how siblings can better share the care.
Talk and listen. Research shows that parents care a lot about maintaining independence to the point they also forfeit getting more support.
Research options. When you and your siblings have identified the types of services that your senior needs, try to divide the tasks so everyone has input and the opportunity to share their ideas.
Plan ahead. Make sure that you include in your plan all that your family will be doing as well as what services will be provided by outside contractors. Remember that inheritance issues and estate planning disagreements also can lead to family conflict so be prepared in those areas as well.
Be flexible. Needs of a senior change as they age and so do the lives of you and your siblings. Consider a division of labor that takes into account each family member's interests and skills, as well as their availability.
Be honest. It’s important to remain in regular contact with your brothers and sisters to avoid miscommunication and hard feelings.
Want more info on the 50-50 Rule? Join us Thursday, May 19th from 5:30PM -7:30PM at UMass Dartmouth in the MacLean Campus Center for a more in-depth presentation. Speakers and resources that can assist in caring for your parents will be available. Please RSVP by May 6th to 508.984.7900.
Sailynn Doyle
At Home Instead Senior Care, we customize our services to fit your needs. We provide non-medical care to seniors and their families 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365 days a year. Services such as companionship, meal preparation, light housekeeping, shopping, errands, incidental transportation and personal care are just some of the most popular. All of our CAREGivers are thoroughly screened - criminal background check, driving record check, social security trace, sex offender list, and six references. We are available for free consultations 24 hours a day and 7 days a week.
Call 508.984.7900 or visit www.HomeInstead.com/673 for more information.
Sailynn Doyle is the owner of Home Instead Senior Care in North Dartmouth, located at 634 State Road (Route 6), Unit A1. The North Dartmouth office serves all of Southeastern Massachusetts. They are available for free consultations 24/7. Please call 508.984.7900 or visit www.homeinstead.com/673 for more information. Each office is an independently owned and operated franchise of Home Instead, Inc., the world's largest provider of non-medical in-home care services for seniors.
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